LIZZYPORTAL: jokes

Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts

Friday, 21 August 2015

joke!!!!!! akpors nd pastor

Akpos’ pastor added him on facebook and
he innocently accepted.
Two minutes later his message came in:
Pastor: How are you?
Akpos: I’m fine, my daddy.
Pastor: May the building of heavenly favour collapse on your head
Akpos: (no reply)
Pastor: May the thunder of Blessing strike
you and your family.
Akpos: (no reply)
Pastor: May God slash you with the axe of life
Akpos: (no reply)

funny pix of the day

By Unknownjokes, photos No comments:

source afrigag

JOKES!!!!!! Akpos Again

By Unknownjokes, Naija jokes No comments:

Akpos went to an electronic store, he asked
the storekeeper "what is the price of this TV?"
The storekeeper answered "we don't sell our
products to Akpos." Akpos again came next
day by cutting his beard and asked "what is
the price of this TV?" The storekeeper replied
"we don't sell our products to Akpos". The
next day Akpos came with a different face
and asked "what is the price of this TV?" The
shopkeeper replied "we don't sell our
products to Akpos." Finally Akpos got irritated
and asked the shopkeeper "how do you
recognise me every time?" The storekeeper
replied "because this is not a TV it is
Microwave Oven!"

By Unknownjokes, Naija jokes No comments:

A wife
went on holiday
leaving the husband
behind. The husband
got so Hot one day
that he decided to try the maid who
had just come from
Nsukka village and who
seemed clever. ... He
called the maid to his
bedroom where he had taken off his pants,

joke!!!!!! Igbo Business

By Unknownjokes, Naija jokes No comments:

Three business associates, an Igbo man, a
Yoruba man and a Chinese man, went to eat
lunch together at a restaurant in Surulere.
While in the middle of their meal, a fly came in
through the window. It flew across the table
to where the Igbo man was but he just
waved his hands to chase it away.
The fly then went to where the Yoruba man
was, he also chased it away.
Finally, the fly then went to where the Chinese
man was and was flying close to his ears. The
Chinese man looked at the fly for sometime
and then grabbed it, put it in his mouth and
swallowed it.
The other men saw this but just kept on
eating.
About Five minutes later, another fly came in
and flew to the Yoruba man who just chased
it away again.
It then flew on to the Igbo man but this time
he did not chase the fly, he looked at it for
sometime and then grabbed it. He then
turned to the Chinese man and asked "how
much you go buy am?"

Joke!!!! Som husbands

By Unknownjokes, Naija jokes No comments:

Hahahahaha!! I just can't stop laughing. This
is the awkward Truth About some husbands.
A group of men gathered at a church
conference on how to live in a loving
relationship with their wives. The men were
asked, "How many of you love your wife ?" All
the men raised their hands. Then they were
asked, "When was the last time you told your
wife you love her ?" Some men answered
today, some yesterday, majority didn’t
remember. The men were then told to take
their cell phones and send the following text
to their respective wives: I love you,
sweetheart...

joke!!!!!! children vs pikin

By Unknownjokes, Naija jokes No comments:

Children vs. Pikin.
Caption the photo and tell us where you belong.

What is wrong with these photos?

By Unknowngist, jokes, photos No comments:

joke!!! makin4 haven

By Unknownjokes, Naija jokes No comments:

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE MADE HELL FIRE:-• 1: Your phone is full of different types of porn and you have the Holy Bible in the same device. 2: Your breast has been pressed more than the T.V remote in your parlour. 3: You've had sex more than your age ( years).

joke!!! new police

By Unknownjokes, Naija jokes No comments:

Omo, police don upgrade ooh,dis na d call center numba 112...There was a robbery in my neighbour's house and I called them... next thing I heard was .Welcome to Nigeria Police Emergency Center.. for English press. 1, for Igbo press 2, for Yoruba press 3. Then I pressed1... then another voice came up....For car accident press 1, for armed robbery press 2, for boko haram please hang up.... Den I pressed 2, anoda voice came up.... If they're with knives press1, pistols press 2, AK 47 press 3,machine guns press 4, bomb press 5, all of the above press 6... Then i checked and saw they were with all of them then I pressed 6... anoda voice came up sayin.... Hmmmm...! My brother, if ur brother dey police u go gree make im come? Thunder fire u there...

joke!!! apors again

By Unknownjokes, Naija jokes No comments:

A local FM Radio station was running a contest, and Akpos phoned up. The Radio presenter said: “Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize.” “That’s fantastic!” Akpos shouted in delight. “Feel confident?” she asked. “It’s a maths question.” “Well, I am an Engineer and have been teaching and practising maths for almost 10 years, ” Akpos proudly replied. “Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 return tickets for an adventurous trip to Sambisa forest and an opportunity to meet Boko Haram’s boss Shekau and the Chibok Girls Face to Face: What is 2+2?” Akpos replied, “10”!!!

ATM SPEAKS

By Unknownjokes, Naija jokes No comments:

Imagine if ATM in Naija speak our
dialect
If U are in a sophisticated area like
BANANA ISLAND, here is how the ATM
would communicate;
ATM: Welcome Mr. Adenuga.
-Please, enter your secret number.
-How much will you like to withdraw?
Thank you for banking with us, Mr.
Adenuga.
…….but if you are in a place like
MUSHIN, here is how it will respond;

joke!!!!

By Unknownjokes, Naija jokes No comments:

A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart.

joke!!!!

By Unknownjokes, Naija jokes No comments:

Standing at the gates of heaven At the end of the age when all the believers were standing in line waiting to get into heaven, the angel Gabriel appeared and said, “I want all the men to form two lines. One line will be for the men who were the true heads of their households. The other will be for the men who were dominated by their wives.” Gabriel continued, “And now we need all of the women to report to Mary and Martha on the other side of the gate.” The women left while the men hurriedly formed two lines. The line of men who were dominated by their wives was seemingly unending. The line of men who were the true head of their household had just one man standing in it. Gabriel said to the first line, “You men ought to be ashamed of yourselves. You were appointed to be the heads of your households and you have not fulfilled your purpose. Of all of you, there is only one man who obeyed.” Then Gabriel turned to the lone man and asked, “How did you come to be in this line?” The man sheepishly replied, “My wife told me to stand here.”

joke!!!!! how to know if u are beign follwed by village witched. lwkmd

By Unknownjokes, Naija jokes No comments:

How to Know When The Witches
In Your Village Are Following
You!
* If you are downloading a file of
5GB data and it Fails
at 99%...
* If you buy a bold5 for 90k
today and the next day
the price drops to 20k...