What Makes a Good Relationship in the Family?

People change over time. People sometimes say that their partner has changed. 'They're not the person I metall those years ago!' No - they're not. Chances are both partners have changed in many ways – in their interests, confidence and attitudes. Most couples go through a number of stages in their relationships: In love ... This isa time when couples wear rose-tinted glasses,and idealise each other. They can't spend enough time together,and make light ofany differences between them.Love will conquer all. Recognising differences ...
Eventually couples move on to the next stage of their relationship. This can happen early in their relationship or sometimes not forayear or two. Couples begin to beaware of the differences between them,and become more realistic in their view of each other. Arguments thatare more thanlovers' tiffswill often occur. The earlier experience of being in love and the bonding together of the couple now come into play and serve to re-assure couples that their relationship will survive. I want to be me ... Most couples in the third phase are learning how to be individuals and much of the energy of the two partners goes into establishing their own lifestyle -as parents, in their work and in their interests outside the home. This is oftenatime when the relationship seems to coast along and the partners want less from each other. They know the relationship is there,and it is safe to be busy in the outside world. Together by choice ... The fourth phase is a process of finding each other again, of seeking greater intimacyand deepening the relationship. The partners now have a stronger sense of themselves as individuals. Theyare choosing to be together, to be dependentand intimate at times, rather than needing to be together. This phase represents the end of the journey from being "in love" to "loving". There is a growing balance between 'I'and 'us'. The relationshipis based on choice rather than depedency - two partners, who are not afraid to be independent, who choose to be togetherand to be intimate. Relationships can also change *.if children arrive -and as the children go through various developmental stages and eventually leave home *.if thereare financial pressures *.if work demands and responsibilities change *.when one or both partners retire from work Some couples face unexpected changes like: *.illness *.disability *.unemployment *.living apart caused by,for example, employment All changes present their own challenges to couples, butare easier to cope with if the relationshipis solid. What does a good relationship need? *.respect *.honesty *.trust *.love *.companionship *.mutual emotional support *.intimate expression *.economic security areall important parts of an adult relationship.